My So-Called Life Right Now…Part II

***This is a long overdue catch up post from August 2016 as a follow-up to My So-Called Life Right Now… re-read it for clarification***

“Entry Level Job Opening: Hiring Recent College Grads

Requirements: 5 years of experience, 6 Olympic Gold Medals and superpowers.”

Dear People Who Thought My Last Life Post Was Readable,

I’ve been using my free time away from job hunting to work on my fitness…

I almost have a six-pack.

Like in my fridge.

Since I’m broke, I’m sort of just collecting one at a time until I have a full set…it’s like Pokemon Go, “gotta catch ’em all!”

When I’m not sunning myself and hydrating, I’m practicing my teleportation skills.  So far, I’ve only been able to move from the house to the yard.  I have my sights and mind spidey powers set on Australia though since that seemed to be the last time I felt like life made sense.  Stay tuned, I feel like a breakthrough isn’t too far…

The biggest goal I’d say I’ve accomplished this far into summer is…wait, I know there’s something…hold on, OH! Yep, still a tan.  Mostly just a tan.

A highlight this summer has been driving 6 hours to my hometown to work at the boutique, yes that is how desperate times have gotten.  I have to drive and spend over 1/3 of a long weekend’s pay on gas, thank you America.

The best part about all of this…my life is seriously amazing.  STILL!  Yes, I’m stressed and I just spent my last quarter on a gum ball to re-live my childhood because adulting is rough.  BUT, I am always finding reasons to wake up happy and be SO damn grateful for everything I have.  I challenge you: if you’re ever in a bind and money is tight (or non-existent) and you feel like you have nothing and you get wrapped up in or on the brink of that “woe is me” crap, it really helps to take your last bit of pride, a couple of dimes or dollars and pay them forward to someone who needs them even more than you do.  Also, don’t forget to notice the amazing support system around you because let me tell you, if I didn’t have the people in my life that I do, I’d have already been working at an establishment in the strip club capital of everywhere.

Perspective is power, people…and I’ve gained a WHOLE lot of it this year.

More catch up posts to come…

Yours in laughter to hide the tears!

xx,

Me

My So-Called Life Right Now…

“When life hands you lemons…just say f*ck the lemons and bail…”

Dear People Who Read This and/or Care for An Update,

Yesterday I created my own spin on this quote whilst sunning myself.  Since life has handed me some serious bushels of lemons lately, I decided to make a wine spritzer (or 5) and reflect on my life.

I’m still unemployed in Portland.  Over the past 3+ months, I’ve sent out countless resumes, worked with a recruiting agency including 3 different types of recruiters at said agency, been on interviews, had phone interviews and even FaceTime interviews-I find the key is turning into a living mullet for those…business on top, party pants (or bikini) on bottom.  I have done all these things for jobs both here in Portland and in Seattle.

I spent all last weekend working on a 15 question email interview for a luxury travel company in Seattle and thought I nailed it…I got a rejection email Monday, which brings the tally of “no” emails this week to 2.

I somehow have not become an alcoholic yet, likely due to the fact that I am a broke ass ho that also refuses to earn money for my fix on the dirty streets.  Life has also not gotten bad enough for me to seek employment in the strip club capital of the Pacific Northwest…stay tuned, things change quickly around here.

Ummm, I’m currently trying to plot how to get paid for being utterly ridiculous.  I’ve gotten really good at it.

I made myself into an emoji the other day.

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Which means two things:

  1. I really need a f*cking job 
  2. My life has reached a serious low point.

In other news, I’ve gotten an excellent summer tan as I’ve laid in the sun 2 hours a day for the past 6 days and before that spent an epic wedding weekend in the Chelan sun.

Hmmm…

That leads us to yesterday.

Where I found myself reading in my yard.  Where I finished a bottle of white wine before it was 5 o’clock somewhere (YOLO!) and where I started the 3rd book I’ve begun in 3 weeks…

Feel free to judge me or laugh immensely at me now.  OR, relate to me and tell me I’m not alone in my FUNemployment adventures.

Either way, read this while drinking a strong beverage…I find it helps!  Also, I hope this makes you smile.   Although life is proving challenging for me this year and especially in the recent months, I’m always finding a reason to keep on keepin’ on, you should too.

Yours in humor, smart assism, and warriorhood!

xx,

Me

adulting 101…

“it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are…” -e.e. cummings

as i sit here drinking coffee that will never be strong enough for a monday, listening to french music that i don’t understand except for a few scattered words and phrases, i’m reflecting on adulthood.  what even is this trickery?  i feel like the universe is laughing at my expense…like, daily…and although, i laugh along with it most days, today i am stuck on some pretty intense thoughts…and they aren’t really that funny.  i’ve considered myself to be a pretty decent, highlight decent, adult for the past almost 12 years, give or take a few years in there where i likely acted far more grown up than i have in the past 2 years, but it’s all part of the journey…right?

right.  this morning i was thinking about my old nanny job.  how sometimes my days were filled with fighting for a half hour about what socks the adorable little was going to wear out in the world for our adventures.  let me tell you, in case no one else has, the terrible twos…not a thing.  terrible threes on the other hand, THAT is a force to be reckoned with.  you won’t win.  you’ll just {hopefully} survive the 365 days of it and come out all the better…with more love and adoration for that little life force you’re responsible for.  during the terrible threes of my nanny days, i reached a point of such contention, i had to consult the googles…from the nanny perspective.  without much help, having exhausted all tools in my established childcare toolbox, i took to an elder.  a montessori teacher to be exact who basically told me that in my daily  bouts of disagreement with a tiny person who had more opinions and pieces of herself to share than a {then} 25 year old caretaker would care to admit she argued with, i was informed i had been giving the fierce little one too much power.  ohhhhh!  thank you for saving me and teaching me a valuable life lesson…at any age.   the solution, was to take back some power from the growing, independent, headstrong brilliant child and pick for her.  give her a time frame in which to choose from a small selection of socks, if she can’t pick, choose for her, grab the shoes if they aren’t already on her feet, sling the coat and her over my shoulder and regardless of the kicking and screaming, get her in the car safely moving towards our activity for the day…before she had a chance to sabotage it for herself and bruise my pride.  take the power back.  ugh…

reflecting this morning on that time where sock selection was at times the most stressful part of my day, a wish developed.  i wish, with all my might, that someone would take the power back.  i don’t want to be this independent, strong willed, half girl/woman thing i am attempting to be now.  someone just grab my socks and coat and stuff me in a car and take me where i need to be please?!  i am exhausted of making the choices…deciding my own fate, navigating my destiny, responsible for my own safety and happiness.  someone just pick for me.  career, city, man, living space, etc. please?  s’il vous plaît?  thanks! merci beaucoup!  if only adulting were this easy…what i find instead, is that i wake up each morning and before even choosing my outfit of the day, i have to choose to be happy or be a b*tch.  i get to choose whether or not i am a courageous warrior that day or a scared, lost soul.  will i choose to rock it at my job that i feel doesn’t challenge me in any exciting ways?  or will i choose to seek new opportunities while killing it at task and time management, relishing in the fact that this is just a means to an end?  all these choices BEFORE i have to make myself my morning cup of coffee.  are you annoyed with my rantings yet?  my woe is me musings?  i am.  trust me when i say, you haven’t signed up for a pity party post.  but for serious, why is there no manual for this thing they call adulting?  who makes these rules?  who makes it all make some tiny ounce of bloody sense?!  i’m told that we do.  you know, us wandering souls who are supposed to make our own rules, regret nothing, kick ass, take names, become the best, most brilliant versions of ourselves…? us.  me.

if i could just have one more day where i am in a terrible three’s stage again… screaming over sock stress, i would take it.  knowing that i get a nap that day, falling asleep to someone singing a special song to me and reading a book or two.  knowing someone is making me a tasty snack when i wake up…making sure i remember to eat that day.  it would be so damn nice to just have someone grab the power back for a day and make my decisions for me…while still trying to fuel my independence and support my free will.  if only…

while i finish my {now} cold coffee and continue trying to translate these songs playing on my “french holiday” spotify playlist, i can’t help but wonder…is growing up a trap?  or is it actually a courageous act?  stay tuned as i go forth in matching socks to seek answers…

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photo credit: pinterest

warrior vs. worrier…

“i love the person i’ve become. because i fought to become her…”

so much truth. am i right ladies {and gents}?! as you {few} readers know, a person’s twenties are a whirlwind of adventure years. the good, the bad, the sometimes very ugly {when you wake up hungover in last night’s makeup, with little minions building a modern day empire inside your ringing brain and your hair is about 50 shades of a hot mess}. we’ve all been there. through the years, you’ve been learning the lessons that will surely bring peace and prosperity into your thirties…{please universe let this be true or i quit}.

i’m no carrie bradshaw, {although my closet wishes we were} i’m not an expert on relationships…come to think of it neither was she. just another unknown aged woman trying to march on through life, while wearing fabulous shoes. but in my limited dating experience i’ve learned some things. in relationships, there is always push and pull. a give and a take. a deposit and a withdrawal. i can assure you, when it comes to commitment in relationships, you should think long and hard about what that truly means before swiping that fancy plastic card. yes, i will now refer to relationships as a bank account. we’ve all heard the metaphor. as a woman working 3 jobs currently to pay off the debts of my mid-twenties life, looking at relationships in terms of finances has become relevant. i am living and breathing it these days. i am still paying off furniture i no longer own that i purchased to furnish my first apartment in the city that i then later sold after having an amazing self-discovery year of travel that left me fabulously nomadic and essentially homeless. yes, i am still paying off gifts, meals, gas and things i bought with and for an ex-boyfriend for a 10 month relationship that was mostly a disappointing waste of time. yes, i am still paying off a quickie mexico vacation i went on with the guy who managed to steal my heart for the last 5 years. perspective ladies. we end up paying for our relationships…even when they’ve ended…we pay for them financially as well as with that {sometimes never ending} tug on our heart strings. don’t get me wrong…i made all those choices, no credit card fraud here, that was alllll me…and i fully intend to keep busting my ass until my debt is paid off and i can be free of those decisions. no regrets. but it puts a deep perspective on the deposits and the withdrawals we make in every aspect of our lives. are we charging things we can’t really afford? are we taking more than we’re giving? do we give more than we ever get? it’s all a matter of perspective. these decisions we make aren’t always temporary. sometimes they cause years of stress and worry…and life is just too damn short to live with worries.

i was asked by my housemate and soul friend recently, “what is your word? you know, that describes you. like in eat pray love.”

without hesitation, i answered, “warrior.” then in true me form followed that up with an explanation of how answering that way doesn’t make me overly confident. “not in a cocky sense. but i just feel like it’s my word.”

my twenties have made me a warrior. of life and of love. i’ve learned the lessons, walked through the fire and survived the battles between my head and my heart. as i embark on the anticipation of a new decade, i want a great love. a love that stands on the front lines of the war next to me. a man strong enough to break down my armor…instead of being the reason i put up my shield.

in order to be a warrior, we must also make mistakes…the key element to surviving the choices we make in our learning curve years is to actually learn from them. don’t charge what you can’t pay off. don’t deposit when all the other person does is withdraw. push and pull. give and take. at the end of the day, whether you’re still up to your designer 4″ heels in credit card debt or rewarding yourself with some vino for paying off some debts of your lessons past, be a warrior. stand on the front lines of your own life. take pride in your strength as a woman. a woman who has survived heartbreak, let downs, breakdowns, mistakes, bad jobs, bad choices, broken cars, debt, stress…L I F E! you are a warrior. i am a warrior. and when 30 comes knocking, we’ll be ready to give our new decade a run for its money.

xx

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photo credit: the interwebs