sea of cynics…

“some people create their own storms, then get upset when it rains…”

i read a lot.  books…the classics and new age awesomeness, articles that contain headlines that draw me in as i’m mindlessly scrolling through my newsfeed(s), lyrics to a new song that popped up on my spotify playlist and blew my mind.  i love absorbing the written word.  feeling inspired by it and encouraged by its power.  a lot of the articles i read happen to be about dating in this day and age…let’s be real, it’s no longer a time where “the notebook” has any room in romance.  sorry, nicholas sparks, but if you could just stop writing that ancient love story bullsh*t, an entire generation of women could likely be less crazy.  dating has now become a series of questions that can be addressed in finger swipes and emojis.  wine and dine becomes, skip the dinner and get sloshed and wined up at your place for “bed time” followed by an early morning walk of shame.  we seem to have lost that concept of the beautiful and {at times} awkward simplicity of human connection and mutual respect.  and while the former may work for some people, it doesn’t work for me. a lot of the pieces i read are dripping in cynicism, but sadly also just highlighting the realities of our time…and oh how the times have changed.  in this present day millennial ego, sense of entitlement, lack of work ethic and media drenched ideals of lifestyle, it’s hard not to get caught up in it all.  hence why aside from gathering my daily article hot links and wishing friends a facebook official happy birthday, i have been {mostly} avoiding social media lately. some days i feel like i’m an optimistic wannabe mermaid swimming in a sea of cynics…some days, myself among them, if only for fleeting moments of fear and hurt, i wish i could just be a shark.  an instinctive b*tch just looking for her next kill.  but it’s not the way my heart works.  i happen to be old fashioned and believe, despite life lessons that have ended in heartache, in spite of the times it didn’t conquer all…that love still exists.

call me a hopeless romantic or a dreamer or whatever…but in a world full of bad, i still believe there is good.  and the only thing worth fighting for…worth living for, is the good.  to be truthful, i don’t deem this as being hopeless at all.  i work hard to live my life with two parts optimism mixed with a healthy dash of realism and always laced with hope.  recently, i had my own bout of cynicism which was very temporary as all my little moments of “life is hard” negative moods are…and coming face to face with it, i realized it’s just a crutch.  who wants to walk this beautiful earth with bitterness in their heart?  not i.  at 29, i am single {by choice}, living an independent life that happens to not be everything i want for myself…but sometimes, we have to commit to a means to an end. it takes hard work and perseverance to release yourself of chains that bind you {eh ehhmm, credit card debt, anyone?  bueller?!} i truly believe these moments, these lessons are what allow us to avoid taking the really good stuff for granted.  sift through some sh*t times…work hard, build your character a bit more, then get to bliss.  when that is achieved, we feel on top of the world and like the rough times truly meant something.  working 3 jobs is not ideal, i’m burnt out most of the time, my summer tan is pathetic considering i’m indoors more than my beach bum would like, but i still manage trail runs, the occasional epic boating day and lots of laughter to keep my soul on fire.  when i’m standing on top of a view point, solo or in good company, high above sea level, observing a string of active volcanoes in nicaragua or swimming in a natural hot springs in iceland that is the color blue unlike anything else i’ve ever seen in my life, i’ll feel like this transition period was worth every drop of sweat, every mop induced blister on my hand, ever paper cut from filing, every retail sale…it’ll be worth it.

although all of  most of   some of my matters of the heart haven’t played out like i had hoped for, my optimism doesn’t run and hide in a cave of negative energy, giving up…however, we have had some serious discussions about that being the wiser course to take as the dating pools get shallower, the cuts get deeper, my age gets older, but just like we continue to learn in our political society that love wins…when optimism, positive vibes and love prevail so begins the death march on cynicism, negativity and rooted hate.  i refuse to give in to the shift in finding a romantic partner just because someone decided tinder was the way forward.  i have learned that life is hard…sometimes love is harder.  it can be arduous, terrifying and dangerous and also the easiest and most beautiful, exciting experience…and even when it hurts like hell, i’d choose that any day over bitterness and defeat.

so to the someone i have yet to meet, screen free, in the jungles of thailand or on the streets of paris…on an airplane…or in the vintage book section of a city library…i hope that you too have not given up on what has become obsolete…i hope you still have a strong work ethic and an ambition to fight for what you want and believe in…that you feel like love is worth dancing through the storm for…and that you’ll grab your scuba gear and optimistically just keep swimming through the sea of cynicism with me.


3 thoughts on “sea of cynics…

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