ahhh what a wonderful phrase! lately i’ve been getting wrapped up in thoughts of “what if”. the “how” “what” “where” “when” and “why” and it’s making me really dizzy and overwhelmed. i’m sure i’m not the only one who is feeling this way about things in life…let’s face it…we’ve all been in or are in our twenties and we’ve already established that they are challenging to say the least. i’m getting nervous every time i realize how fast approaching my launch into my new life really is. the time is already going by SO fast and if anything it’ll just keep going faster. i feel like it’s not real one minute and then i am quickly reminded when i glance at a calendar, that it’s happening. i’m not just talking about it anymore, i have a ticket and a date i’m leaving and it’s reallllly tripping me out. am i scared? yes. the answer is yes. why? because i have no idea what is going to happen throughout my journey. all i do know is that i’m about to go through the biggest change in my entire life and
if…i mean when i return, i will be completely different.
the truth is, despite the fact that i am a little bit scared (i hear that’s normal before leaving everything you know to move to a new continent), i have been worried. worried about what will happen to me if i don’t have everything planned out. worried about running out of money. worried about what i’ll miss if i get a second job before i leave to save up. i’m worried about what i’ll miss while i’m gone…my niece turning 3 and becoming even more amazing, one of my best friends planning her wedding to the man of her dreams and father of their beautiful baby girl, my nephew turning 2 and walking around giggling and lighting up my brother’s world, thanksgiving and christmas with my incredibly loud and awesome irish family. i’ll miss my dad launching a new project he has put blood, sweat and tears into creating. come to think of it, just my dad. what the hell am i going to do without my dad?! for those of you who know me well, you know i am a daddy’s girl through and through. my dad is the most amazing man i know and i’m about to go a year without getting a hug from him or going on a drink date with him. this is why i worry. i’m going to miss out on some of my wonderful friends getting married and engaged and pregnant, going out and embracing single life and all those big life things…celebrating birthdays and accomplishments in epic fashion. i’ll miss my mom continuing to grow in arizona and i won’t be here to send her goofy pictures to brighten her day. i’ll be gone when one of my best friends returns from her amazing 11 month world race adventure sharing her remarkable heart with the people of the world. i won’t be here. i realize that a year is really only 365 days and that it’s not permanent and all the people i will miss with my whole heart will still be here when i return. my worry comes from how different i will be. i worry i won’t fit anymore into the life i had before i embraced this wanderlust i have had within me for so long. worry can grow into a sickness…this i know to be true. since i was 8 years old, i’ve been a worrier. i’ve tried to let go of that in my adulthood, but it’s been a tough one. i feel like if things are slipping through my fingertips a bit, worry is something i can control and hang onto through the situation. but it doesn’t serve me well. worry is like fear, should you choose to be cloaked in it, it will only weigh you down…i find it’s best to rock bright colors and a tutu instead…maybe some glitter and definitely some chucks…complete your look with some stellar shades and you’re on your way to conquering the world. so it would seem another break up is in my future and there won’t be any chance for reconciliation. dear worry, it’s not me, it’s you. we are sooo over. and as the taylor swift song goes, “we are never ever ever getting back together. ever.” turns out you don’t need prince charming to find your happy ending…you just need some gumption, a pair of shoes that can change your life, some furry friends and a permanent break up with fear and worry. so here i go again on my own…and i choose life and love and the great unknown.
it would seem that disney can actually teach you some useful things about life. thanks timon and pumba for helping me leap into my next chapter, embracing the art of no worries. for the rest of my days…or at least until i encounter a ridiculously large snake in the outback and call my dad crying…as soon as i get back into cell phone service.