epidsode six



photo credit: Chris Langus

“i get by with a little help from my friends.”

that john lennon sure did know some stuff.  the beatles have always been one of my favorite bands…for obvious reasons…lyrical geniuses, music that moves you, cool british fashion sense, etc., etc.  i had a thought while driving to work this morning…well i had a few.  one of them being that i wished i had a boat…the mercer street traffic mess is making me feel like the mad hatter in alice in wonderland-confused and out of sorts-and boat transportation would make the trek to work all the more convenient…plus boats are awesome. but back on track…a serious thought came to me while sitting dazed behind a caravan of brake lights: what if there was no music?  I KNOW.  did you just almost start crying?  maybe made a mess in your pants?  it’s probably one of the most devastating thoughts my brain has ever conjured.  but it lead me into another thought…what if i wasn’t surrounded by the incredibly loving, understanding, supportive friends and family i have somehow been lucky enough to keep by my side these 27 years of writing my life story?  what if?! i’ll tell you…i surely would not be sitting here writing this post.  i would be fit for a straight jacket probably singing something sad to myself in a terribly white, padded room.

these “what if” thoughts tend to creep in every now and again.  we all have them right?  don’t you dare lie to me…or yourself.  we do.  and sometimes, we get caught on them and dwell and think too much and drive ourselves mad like our buddy the hatter from wonderland. enter your friends…the mostly sane ones…or at least the ones that are just as crazy as you are.  they help pull you out of the depths of your “what if” sea and get you back on dry land.  my what if’s today were not those pulling me to the past of old loves that didn’t work out or the things i haven’t seen or done (yet)…but instead, were light bulbs flashing the realization that i am me because of all the amazing someone’s i have and have had in my life…AND…i am me because of the music.  if neither of these things were…if they ceased to exist…it would be bad, very bad. although we are all unique individuals moving through life completing our puzzles, the people we meet along the journey become pieces that make us feel more whole.  some of those pieces shift and change as we go…some of them don’t quite fit, or do only for a time, and then they mold into something different that no longer works for our puzzle and so we go forth seeking (usually subconciously) to find our next piece.  it dawned on me how scattered my pieces are…from various ages and stages in life, my friends and family have moved, adventured, come near and gone far, leaving footprints, making memories and writing their own stories.  the best part…we all stuck together.

the funny thing about life is that it’s always changing…and most of us, make plans and move forward to bring those plans to fruition, and BOOM, a change happens…and so we make new ones. one of the best parts about life, is that the people that are meant to be there, stick around.  they may not change with you in the same ways, move to the same place, travel to the same time zone as you, but the ones worth keeping…they are still with you, near and far…and when you get to enjoy a cup of coffee, a shot of tequila or a catch up conversation with those people and relish in your different lives, it’s like time stood still during all your respective changing.


these are the people i have chosen to hang on to.  nothing in life is guaranteed, but the people i choose to call my friends…the people who i didn’t get to pick, but who create sense out of my life, i call them family…guarantee me the pieces that make all the broken parts of me…the missing places…feel whole. wise ol’ john also said, “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” ain’t that the truth? even though we may not all have the same plans, life happens…to all of us.  and those of us who are lucky enough to have family to call our heart and friends to call our backbone will be ok…and there is always music to get you through the other days…when you just want to be alone…with the lyrics.

so to my friends, that help me find hope again when i’ve lost it, who remind me how my heart loves when it has forgotten, who make me see the silver linings and to my family members who give me cardiomyopathy (make my heart skip a beat), laugh uncontrollably and make my entire world complete…“in my life…i’ve loved them all.”

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