episode five

“though she be but little, she is fierce!”

affirmative.  well played sir william shakespeare.  i have found my inner fierceness these past couple weeks it would seem.  it’s a good thing…mostly for me…i can’t speak for others.  it would seem the word “harsh” applies to me lately…if you ask my dad and several of my friends, however, in my defense, i am running under the premise that i have way too much going on in my life to linger on anything that resembles ridiculous.  when it comes to the rules of dating…i’ve decided that we make our own.  no one gets to tell us how it is supposed to be.  it’s different for everyone and the old rules don’t always apply.  i discovered this on friday whilst enjoying a night of belated birthday celebrating with one of my (many) amazing aunts.  we were sharing dating stories (mostly mine…hers were several moons ago) and although she was giving me a hard time in good fun, she told me i’m a bit of a heartbreaker.  i believe this to be false.

you see…i find, that it’s best to keep your inner foolishness on lock down until you really get to know someone. unfortunately…in the dating realm of this day and age, it would seem not all the fish out in the sea (or puddle) have received this memo.   i’ll take it upon myself to send out a message in a bottle…all you other twenty somethings out there can thank me later.  the bottom line is: i am not a heartbreaker…i am a realist.  in a situation of guy vs. girl…when a girl shows too much interest too soon or expresses insecurities in the beginning stages of the ‘getting to know each other’ process, guys get turned off, assume she’s nuts and run for the hills never to be heard from again.  in the case of a girl getting overwhelmed by a guy’s attention…sometimes it’s just too much too soon…she becomes a heartbreaker just for being honest and direct.  why is it that women want attention and then when we get it from a very interested party, we become uninterested?  i have done some serious thinking on the subject and i have come up with the conclusion that it’s most likely due to the human condition of a need for exploring the unknown.  we like to have something to still be desired, we like to be challenged, to continue to learn and grow…or we’re all just crazy and confusing…take your pick.  what i do know is, that when we give too much of ourselves or express our intentions too quickly to another person, it can potentially extinguish any ounce of hope that a first date can carry you along to date number two and beyond.   i’m no expert on dating…trust me.  but i do know myself enough to know where my head (and my heart) are at right now and i’m not in a place where i can handle feeling overwhelmed or take on anything too heavy…unless it’s a tall glass of whiskey.

after a recent first date, i realized something…i’m not as awkward as i thought i was.  no one is more surprised than me, i assure you.  it was a swell feeling to know i could feel confident and lack all nervousness on a first date considering it’s been quite some time since i was even on one.  mission accomplished…baby step one of many conquered. moving forward, i think i could eventually get the hang of this whole dating thing…maybe.  the independent girl in me who has spent time getting to know herself and likes her alone time…her own space…her own way of doing things, isn’t quite ready to commit…to letting a new person into that world she’s made for herself. buuut, as i’ve learned…we are our own soul mates…boys are just people to have fun with.  so…i shall continue to walk, swim and fly fiercely in the direction of my dreams…running towards the australian hills where there are sure to be other boys…heartbreakers and realists alike…to swim in puddle, pond and ocean with.

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